Ohio judge uses poem to dismiss inmate’s toilet lawsuit

A judge in Colombus wrote a poem to dismiss an Ohio inmate's lawsuit over bathroom access on Thursday Jan 7. Franklin County Judge David E. Cain used a five-stanza verse to conclude the prisoner did not have a case.

A prisoner at the Correctional Reception Center in Orient, Derek Lathan, filed a lawsuit in October against a correction officer of causing him to soil himself on Sept 17 while standing in line for recreation at the prison.

"You know, if he is going to file something that frivolous, he can't expect me to be too judicious in how I respond," Cain told the Colombus Dispatch. "He can't expect me to take it seriously," Cain said.

Derek Lathan, who was sentenced in January 2015 to 17 months in prison, wrote in the lawsuit that an officer didn't allow him to get out of line to use a restroom when he was struggling with diarrhea. He wrote that he suffered emotional distress when other inmates began laughing at him after the bathroom accident. The lawsuit asked for $2 million in damages.

Cain spent an hour to write a poem expressing his rejection of the case:

Cold showers caused his bowels to malfunction
Or so the plaintiff claims
A strict uncaring prison guard
Is whom the plaintiff blames.

While in line for recreation
And little time for hesitation
His anal sphincter just exploded
The plaintiff's britches quickly loaded.

It made the inmates laugh and play
To see the plaintiff's pants this way
The foul, unsightly, putrid mess
Caused the plaintiff major stress.

Claiming loss and shame to boot
The plaintiff filed the present suit
But the law provideth no relief
From such unmitigated grief.

Neither runs nor constipation
Can justify this litigation
Whether bowels constrict or flex
De minimus non curat lex.

Cain said this was the first time he has issued a legal decision in rhyme. Judge Cain began his career as a writer and worked as a Colombus Dispatch reporter for ten years before getting his law degree.

Author and humorist Sean Carter, who practiced law for 10 years, said the poem is a bit graphic but it did not affect the legality of the decision, Reuters reported.

According to Think Progress, Ohio's prison conditions are among the worst in the country. The prison guards have been accused of raping and beating inmates. Low-level offenders like Lathan are still subjected to abuse.

As of Thursday, Lathan's lawsuits filed in Franklin County Court had been dismissed. Judge Cain said Lathan's lawsuit was filed incorrectly and was in the wrong court.

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Ohio, judge, Franklin County Judge, poem, prisoner, inmate, legal decision

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