10 Steps to Take When Preparing for Divorce

By Staff Reporter Feb 19, 2020 07:52 PM EST

Despite cultural changes, like a rise in cohabitation and reduced stigma around divorce, one in four marriages still ends in dissolution.

Although many people go through this painful situation, each instance is different. It is rarely without pain and financial impact.

However, you can protect yourself both financially and emotionally if you are thinking about ending your marriage.

Here are ten steps to take when planning a divorce.

1. Talk to a Lawyer

No matter how amicable your separation, divorce is a legal matter. If there are children involved or significant assets like a house or other investments, it is imperative that the parties get advice from divorce lawyers.

Although some people choose to see a mediator to reduce costs and stress, remember that the mediator's job is to arrive at a compromise.

You retain a lawyer, on the other hand, to advocate for your interests. If the friendly nature of the dispute breaks down, you need a champion in your corner.

2. Determine Living Arrangements

When you are deciding to get a divorce, often the residential arrangements are the most significant issue to decide. If there are kids involved, you may need to figure out who lives in the primary home and who will move to another place.

Because living costs are often a family's biggest expenditure, negotiations may involve how much each party will contribute to rent or mortgage.

Some families choose unorthodox arrangements, such as letting the kids remain in the house with each parent taking a weekly turn living with them.

If your split is not amicable, you may need to set firm boundaries on your ex's ability to enter your house.

3. Separate Your Bank Accounts

Untangling the mingled assets of a married couple can be the most contentious part of a divorce. If you know you are going to split, you should take the precaution of separating any assets you owned prior to the marriage.

Because definitions of "joint property" differs from state to state, this is an area where you definitely should get legal counsel.

If you have any fear that your spouse may abscond with the funds in your joint accounts, you may wish to implement certain protections with your bank.

4. Divide the Credit Cards

Assets will be divided between the two of you. So will debt.

If you have credit cards in both of your names, it's advisable to remove any secondary cardholders on accounts where you are the primary cardholder. You do not want your ex running up a large bill that you may later be responsible for.

You and your ex may agree to use one card for joint expenses like clothes for the kids, and separate cards for your other expenses.

5. Talk to the Kids

One of the hardest and most important tasks a couple has to undertake when they get a divorce is helping their children though it. Communicating honestly with your children is one of the best ways to help them deal with the grief and anxiety they may feel as their lives change.

The conflict between parents is one of the most stressful things a child can experience, whether their parents are divorced or not. Try to keep arguments away from the children.

Understand that your kids love both of you. Keeping the kids away from Mom or Dad is not beneficial for their well being unless that parent is unfit.

You may need to talk to a lawyer if you believe the other parent may be incapacitated by drugs or alcohol or is potentially abusive or negligent.

6. Change Your Passwords

If you and your spouse shared accounts, change your passwords. This applies to more than just bank and credit card accounts.

Some couples share email, voicemail, or social media accounts. Others may share a password document on the family computer, to keep everything straight.

Once you decide to divorce, you do not want your ex-spouse to have access to your online presence. You may want to block them from your Instagram and other accounts, too.

There is no reason they need to know what you are doing in your private life, especially if they could use it against you. If you are fighting about money, you may not want them to know about a recent vacation you just took or your new car.

7. Document Everything

Once you split up, it is important to track your finances and other interactions with your ex.

For example, if he is chronically late to pick up the kids, you need to write down the dates this happened. If she is late with her child support checks, you need to keep track of that as well.

Divorce rarely ends everything, especially when there is alimony or child support involved. Disputes may occur years after the split, over everything from college tuition to life insurance.

Keep good financial records and other notes so that you have the facts straight if you ever have to go back to court.

8. Alert the Schools

Talk to your children's schools if you are breaking up with their other parent. You want to put them on alert that there are changes going on in the home.

Some kids may act out when their parent's divorce. Their grades or behavior may change. The school may recommend a counselor or other treatment if they are struggling.

You should also tell the school if there are disagreements over custody or visitation. If a parent is not allowed to see the child unaccompanied, the school needs to know in case that parent shows up without permission and wants to take the kid out of school.

9. Talk to a Counselor

You and your spouse should consult a counselor if you are preparing to divorce, even if there is no hope for reconciliation.

A counselor may give good tips on how to communicate peaceably while working out all of the details of the split.

On the other hand, professional help may make you realize that you are not ready to take this big step just yet. Sometimes couples reunite after a trial separation or some therapy.

10. Take Your Time

A divorce is a life-changing event. Some states require couples to be separated for a year before they can file for a no-fault divorce. This ostensibly gives the parties a chance to be sure this is the way they want to proceed.

By proceeding cautiously and with the advice of others, you can move forward in a way that is prudent and considerate of everyone involved.

Steps to Take When Preparing for Divorce: Know What You Need to Protect Yourself

If you are considering a divorce, collect all the information you can so that you can protect your assets and your future.

One of the most important steps to take when preparing for divorce is getting professional legal counsel. A lawyer will help to anticipate all possible situations and advise how to handle them if you do proceed.

Keep checking back for more legal information everyone needs to know.

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